Fatigue feel like being one of those dolls with weighted eyelids. The ones whose eyes are open when they are say up and fall closed as soon as you lie them down. You wake up, lying in your bed and your eyelis feel so heavy you would think that they were weighted shut. You want to open them and look around but it is out of your control. It feels as though they won’t open until someone takes hold of your exhasted form and sits you up.
Next in my toy box is playdough. Not because I’m chunky and mouldable. The sensitivity which many people suffer with fibro can – and often does – make them shout out in pain at the lightest touch. That is not an exaggeration. It is like being playdough with nerve endings. When playing with playdough it’s so easy to leave you mark on it; if you poke a smooth ball of playdough you’ll almost certainly leave a print on it. That’s how being poked is on a highly sensitive day. Only you can’t see it: the skin looks normal but that mark is felt, and of the poke is hard enough it can linger for quite a while.
My fibro fog makes me a teddy bear. I’m a bit out of it so I want cuddles. Okay, okay that’s not all the comparison I wanted to make there. This one is very simple. Fibro fog just makes me feel like my head is all full of fluffy, fluffy stuffing. Usually I call it candy floss brain but that wouldn’t fit with my toy theme here because who on Earth would want to stuff their teddy with candy floss? It would be sticky and go all mouldy and attract ants. Anyway, the fluffy teddy brain means that I can’t think straight. It isn’t necessarily too distressing for me, a lot of the time I’m just a dopey, cloud brained girl. However, if I’m really trying to do something and I can’t think right or focus it can be extremely upsetting, not to mention embarrassing. There’s not much room for thoughts and clear memories amongst all that stuffing. Of course, sometimes I feel over stuffed and the pressure of it all jammed into my glassy-eyed head give me pressure headaches. Ouchy.
When I’m feeling particularly stuffing brained I can have quite a bit of trouble with my speech. I won’t be able to remember words, sometimes I’ll just stop what I’m saying and others I’ll replace it with a different word entirely. Not on purpose though: that wrong word will just come slipping out of my mouth leaving my conversational partner having to figure out what I was actually trying to say. When this happens, I must be a furby.
And on that note: me way-loh koh-koh.
Just kidding, no more sleep for me just yet. I’ve got a baby to care for and I need try not to turn into a slinky on the staircase.
If anyone has an illness-to-toy comparison to make I’d really love to read them in the comments.